Losing Grip
by iclethea
Summary: Leah Clearwater has been alone for three years now, Sam with Emily, and now Renesmee with Jacob. What happens when Leah loses her grip on life? WARNING: Suicide and Language. During Breaking Dawn


**Leah**

I paced the perimeter of the bloodsucker's crypt, the smell running up my nostrils with my every breath. The pain in my nose was like someone had poured pure bleach up my nostrils. I wrinkled my snout, my paws padding against the soft grass. Why did _I_ have to protect the bloodsuckers? Jacob was inside, in love with the little half vamp, Seth too.

A growl left my lips. Nearly all of the wolves had imprinted, or been genetically matched with someone. The thing was supposed to be a fucking myth! Now we had Jacob drooling over the vamp offspring, Quil ogling the three year old, Jared fantasising about Kim, Paul and Rachel making out every time we saw them and _Sam _going all goo goo eyed whenever Emily was around

It was ridiculous. It was all just a scam. They were just matched with the best person who could pass on their DNA. No love. They were just deluded into thinking they loved the girls, and visa versa. It was like a weird round of date the hooker or something. Plain fucking stupid.

Sam and Emily were engaged now. I didn't take it well when I had found out. I put on a straight face until Sam phased and went to be with Emily, Then I left myself and demolished a few trees. Sam _had _to have a perfect life! He just had to! He breaks my heart, imprints on my cousin and now he's going to marry her?

I snarled my right hind leg kicking a small log and it flew back into the air. My fury spiked and angry sobs began to wrack my body. I heard the leech lover laugh inside the house. I looked up, my glare directed towards the house. Bella seemed happy. Of course.

She got her perfect life. A loving husband, a family who adored her, money, happiness, and a daughter. All of the things that I couldn't have. Did she deserve it? No. She just laid back and let it come to her. I had to suffer for it. And I got nothing out of it. Zilch. Nada.

The crashing waves of pain stunned me. It made me cry harder.

_Pull yourself together Leah! _ my mind scolded.

I sighed. The tears stopped flowing, although the fur on my face was still damp. I looked back over my life. It sucked. First I lost the love of my life, then he imprints on my cousin, then my father dies after I phase for the first time, and now this. The only person who could understand my pain, Jacob, was now inside the leech's castle playing with a vamp kid. Fan–fucking–tastic. I groaned.

I heard Jacob talking inside.

"I'm gonna let Leah off the hook and take her shift," he said, and a moment later he emerged from the house, his chest bare, wearing only a pair of black trunks. He walked towards me his expression concerned and confused.

"You OK Leah? I heard you growling outside," Jacob said. I left and an into the bushes. I phased and returned to face him.

"I'm fine," I said gritting my teeth.

"You don't look it," he said. I growled in annoyance. Why couldn't the almighty Alpha just _leave me alone? _

"I was thinking about everything OK! Happy?" I snarled. Jacob looked confused for a few seconds before he caught on. Kid was so slow.

"Leah what's wrong? Why are you thinking about that? It's in the past," he said.

"_I don't give a fuck!_" I exclaimed. The tears stated flowing then. I couldn't stop them. Jacob looked alarmed.

"Sam parades around with Emily like she's his heart, sticking it in my face constantly, a year after he breaks my heart and goes off with my cousin, my father is dead because of me. I phased in front of him for God's sake! Plus, my brothers all chummy with vampires, you go imprinting on a half leech, and the rest are all goo goo eyed with their imprints!" I exclaimed, past reason. I left him there, sprinting towards the forest as fast as I could. I eventually slumped downwards, sitting on a fallen log. What was I _thinking_? I just broke down, in front of _Jacob _of all people! I was furious at myself, but I couldn't help feeling like that.

"Leah," I heard his husky voice say, gentle and caring. Great, now he was taking pity on me?

"What," I snapped through my clenched teeth.

"Is there anything I can do, you know, to help?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, there is actually," I began.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, pity still in his tone.

"Nothing Jacob, now why don't you run back to your bloodsuckers ans be the family pet?" I simpered. I turned, phasing into my wolf form, running from him.

A few days passed, and Jacob was following me like a hawk. It was really irritating. Why couldn't he just get off my back? He was a stalker. He was doing it so much that Seth was beginning to get suspicious. I walked towards the simple gate, gazing at the rows of graves.

I went inside, closing the gate behind me. I walked towards a simple black marble

_Harry Clearwater _

_5th May 1963 – March 16th 2006_

_Loving father, husband and friend._

I didn't care who would see me cry. I broke down, my heart hammering. I laid a hand on the cold marble, ice against my fiery skin. My head bent down, my short hair droop at the ends. The tears trickled down my face before I heard Jacob. Why God? Why must you do this to me?

"Leah?" Jacob said.

"What Jacob? Shouldn't you be with the bloodsuckers?" I snapped at him fiercely.

"Leah I mean this, is there anything I can do for you?" he asked. "to help you?"

"Yeah," I began, the plan forming in my mind at once. I wasn't turning back now. I just hoped Seth wasn't around to see this.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, pity still in his tone.

"I want you to end it," I whispered.

"What do you mean?" he asked confused. I rolled my eyes.

"I want you to end it, end me," I said. He still looked confused, so I told him exactly what I wanted.

"Kill me Jacob. I want you to kill me," I said.

Jacob recoiled in shock.

"Leah I can't do that!" he exclaimed in horror.

"Why? I need you to do this for me," I begged. I needed t die, now.

"Leah I can't!" he exclaimed.

"Jacob please. I need this badly. I need to be set free. I need to be away from the pain, and let's face it. Things would be better without me," I said. "Please just do it. For me."

Jacob started crying, but he nodded silently.

"Thank you Jake," I smiled. He stood, and led me into the woods. We stopped walking and he sighed, his eyes still overflowing with tears.

"Leah I'm so sorry," he sobbed. He left for a moment and I was left in outrage until he returned in his wolf form. He walked over to me, doubt and desperation. I could tell what he was thinking.

"It's OK Jake. I'm sure about this. Go," I said.

He walked over to me, and quickly, my world went dark.

**Seth**

They say the worst thing a brother will ever have to do is lose their siblings. I knew exactly how they felt, as I gazed down at the black coffin that contained my sister. Her face was peaceful, yet her neck had been broken, and a chunk of her neck was missing. Jacob had disappeared since Leah died. None of us knew where he was or why he left. He stayed in his wolf form. Sam had found her and called our house immediately.

_The phone rang, the shrill sound interrupting Charlie and Mom's talking. I picked it up._

"_Hello?"_

"_Seth! It's Paul. Listen, Sam is coming over to your place. Something happened."_

"_What happened?" I asked him._

"_It's Leah," Paul said, his voice choking. _

"_What happened to Leah?" I asked frantically. Mom's and Charlie's heads snapped up._

_A knock on the door sounded. I dropped the phone. Flinging open the door, I was met with Sam's sorrowful eyes. _

"_Sam what happened?" I asked urgently._

"_I found Leah in the forest," Sam said, his voice choking up, tears filling his eyes. That's when I saw my sister's limp body in Paul's arms._

"_Leah!" I yelled, lurching forward, shaking her shoulders roughly,trying to wake her._

"_We think something attacked her. Maybe a bear or something," Sam said. "She was gone before we found her. I'm so sorry Seth." The last thing I heard before I passed out was my mothers sobs, and the sound of Charlie trying to comfort her._

That day would be locked in my memory forever. The funeral passed slowly. Mom was hysterical when they lowered the coffin. I tried my best to console her, even though my own grief got the best of me.

A few days passed, the numbness of grief setting in still. I was walking around in my wolf form, trying to clear my head for a while. I heard some thoughts.

_I can't believe I killed Leah. I'm so stupid, _The voice said. It was Jacob's voice. I froze, fury filling me. Jacob had _murdered my sister?_

I ran towards the voice, and was confronted with the russet coloured wolf that used to me my friend.

I snarled.

_How. Could. You?_

_Seth, I – I am so sorry. She begged me to and I-_

_SHUT UP! _I roared in my head, launching on top of him, digging my teeth into his stomach. I tore him apart, piece by piece. I hoped he suffered enough. He deserved it for killing my sister.

_Leah, _I thought. _I love you my sister._

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